Ive had a hard week as we’ve put my dog to sleep and then buried her in the yard. We dug up the hole the day before and she came out to see what was going on…it just tore me to pieces. Her last night was bad she was vomiting more than ever and when I came in that morning she lifted her head to throw up and then places her head right back in it something that has never happened before and I knew we were doing the right thing.

But it didnt make it any easier. We all cried allot. she injected her and she was gone in less than a minute. 

The energy around the house was horrible and unbearable for a few days. Just like it was after my grandmother died. Good thing I have another dog and 2 cats to look after cause if the house were to stay completely empty of pets that would be impossible.

I have anxiety in my tummy for days now… and its driving me crazy. I have 2 projects I have to shoot for. One is for a play, the director said hes finishing casting this week and then I have to start photo sessions with the leading actress who plays a girl that is as fucked up as me…and he wants me to shoot her as if shes shooting herself. Which is AMAZING!! I know! But its giving me anxiety in amounts that Ive never had before. Im dreading the phone ringing this week. dreading it!

The other project is something Im more relaxed about starting and that is a poet who writes beautifully!!! and Im gonna shoot for his poems, while hes having musicians write lyrics for them as well and their already working on an album. I heard some of it and it really is beautiful. 

And then I have my own projects Ive starting shooting for. One is ‘Insignificant’ and the other is ‘Demons’ and I had another idea for my men project about maybe making it about only one man…that isnt revealed at all….I havnt gotten it all worked out yet. but my head is UGH!!!! is absolutely going crazy. Ive got so many images running around I dont know what to do with it and where to start…

I also realized what my problem is in terms of my photography and why its still looking very amateur. People who shoot are UNinhibitted!

They drive to the perfect place for their image even if its a few hours away. and they get strangers to pose for them if thats what they need and so on. And Im not like that. I have lots of ideas and images but then I get scared and look for plan B’s to make my ideas work cause I wont drive too far from home and I wont talk to strangers…and it takes my photos down a notch all the time!

I have to, but HAVE to get over this thing and fast!! If I want to be a photographer and not just a snapshot person…

(Source: tiny.cc)